by Kevin Palmer

SASKATOON – Monday was Green Day at the Brier, where patrons were encouraged to wear green clothing. To no one’s surprise, most wore Saskatchewan Roughrider jerseys, and I spotted one unfortunate fellow with a jersey that did not have Lancaster or Durant on the back, but instead read “Rider Fan by Marriage.”

And of course, the green men were back in form, donning their spandex suits; in case you are also interested in amusing friends and colleagues at work, or embarrassing your daughter during her junior high basketball game, you can get your own suit here. Other fans improvised their suits, with splattered green paint, wigs and extra large tighty-whitey underwear making fine and able substitutes (green handprints on the buttocks were a nice touch). The original green men are consummate professionals and came prepared, sporting fanny packs, whereas I spotted one of the painted amateurs sporting what appeared to be an iPhone in his trousers (insert your own joke here).

Tuesday morning saw me in my hotel room, staring out the window at a blizzard and simultaneously watching Brad Gushue battle Alberta on TV. The fifth end break of Draw 9, the exact middle point of the Brier, saw the 1-4 Team Newfoundland & Labrador trailing undefeated Alberta by a 3-1 score – and we all know how that one ended. First overall at last year’s Brier in London is a distant memory... but until they’re mathematically out of the playoffs, we’ll save the post-op on Team Gushue for another day.

Manitoba versus Nova Scotia was a sloppy game littered with strange misses. Ice, as always, can be tricky. As often as we talk about the challenges the ice technicians face during these events, I always wonder how bad the ice was in the 1960s and 70s when they didn’t have a team of technicians and computers to help. We can put a man on the moon, and caramel into a chocolate bar, but we can’t get curling ice to do what we want. There’s likely some poetic analogy of man’s attempt to control nature, but I’m not qualified to comment, so we’ll move on.

There are still thoughts of Northern Ontario’s loss to Ontario the other night. Moose skip Brad Jacobs made a great final shot to score two and force an extra end, a soft weight hit that spun his shooter to grab an edge of the button. In the extra end the steal looked likely, but Glenn Howard was able to make a long raise on a NONT stone and tap his own rock for the win, a big shot that drew big applause and big celebration from Team Howard. Glenn and third Wayne Middaugh even shared an awkward embrace during their handshake-chestbump-whatever. Kids, please don’t try this at home – you might break your on-ice microphone.

We saw Kevin Koe finally lose a game, but he and his Alberta crew are still steady, boring and efficient. Kevin himself has the relaxed, methodical saunter of a professional golfer, his expression rarely changing from one of pleasant delight without actual enthusiasm – and its eerily intimidating. I expect Kevin wears the same face right before drawing to the button as he would while pushing a shopping cart at Safeway, or doing the laundry. It’s not premature to predict – as so many have already – that everyone other than Howard and (K) Koe are playing for bronze in this Brier. For more on the numbers between these two titans, check out this column.

Last night at the Brier showed why curlers stopped drinking (too much) beer and started working out. Everything felt a little flat, weary, and tired... like a Judd Apatow comedy that should have ended 20 minutes earlier. A long week of hotel to arena to patch to arena to patch to arena to patch to hotel, repeat, is going to take its toll on fans. I’m sure the players must start to feel it. Four blowouts were on display in one draw, and we hadn’t seen that all week. Of course, hosts Saskatchewan made a hit for three in the eighth end to arrest that blowout and the crowd went wild, but they were still down two, without hammer, with two ends remaining, so they were likely going to lose (97% of the time in fact) but at least the locals had a reason to cheer.

If mid-week is tough on fans and players, imagine how the fifth men must feel. The unheralded alternate position player has to suck up his pride and join a team which likely beat him in the provincials. Then they make him their subordinate, helping to fetch drinks, carry jackets and broom bags and schedule meal plans for the team. He has to dress in uniform each day, sit behind the scoreboard, and hope he’s not caught on camera sleeping or stuffing his mouth with nachos. He talks to the team coach – a lot – and throws practice stones with said coach, too. He does get to play a few ends here and there so he is eligible for a medal, should it be forthcoming, at the end of the week. Then, if he’s lucky enough to be on the winning team, that uncomfortable scene happens where he’s not sure when and where to stand on the podium for what photograph. It’s like being the new boyfriend at the photo shoot during a family wedding.

If you recall, Saskatchewan went on to steal the ninth end and trailed by just a single point coming home. Their chances just increased to 11%, but back to our regular column.

I spoke with a couple of the high profile alternates this week to see if my theories were right. They have much less bitterness and resentment than you might think. In fact, they seem to be having a great time.

Blake MacDonald (photo above) won a Brier and World Championship with Kevin Koe two years ago. He took a step away from curling this year and presto, his old team manages to win Alberta and return to the Brier. Despite only playing 10 games this year in a Thursday men’s league and playing one cashspiel with Jamie King, the Koes asked him to re-join as their Brier fifth man. Blake says it’s a strange feeling, and it’s tough being in a position where he can’t actually be on the ice to help the team. He’s committed to the role and constantly scouting rocks on all sheets during each draw, engaging with the officials over possible rock handle malfunctions, and trying to do what he can to help. Of course, arranging dinners is also part of the job, and making sure the team spends quality time in the Patch to grow its market brand is also an important task.

Manitoba’s Willie Lyburn is the brother of third Allan Lyburn. Their father, Hugh Lyburn, brought them to Manitoba from Scotland during their teens. Hugh was able to leave Scotland only after escaping from an underground prison for rogue curlers, seen in the first photo on this page.

Willie skipped his own team this season and had an outstanding year, and made it to the semifinals of the Manitoba provincial last month, only to lose to brother Allan and then watch him win the whole damn thing and get his first Purple Heart. Then Allan did what any older brother would do, and asked Willie to come along and carry his bags. However, Willie doesn’t have an ounce of ill-will and is enjoying every part of the experience. He told me he couldn’t be happier for his brother and a smile never left his face, except when father Hugh was delayed in returning with our round.

Another famous fifth is Scott Howard for Ontario. Scott’s dad Glenn just happens to be the skip. I couldn’t reach Scott for comment but he’s been using Twitter to share his experience in Saskatoon, and his comments offer insight into the valuable strategic contributions he’s been able to provide to his teammates.

For example, during their Monday night game against Northern Ontario, Scott tweeted: “Taking advantage of the Tim Hortons supplies, munching on a chocolate donut…I’m a fatty.”

Yes, whoa… ahhh… oops. As we know, Scott Manners slid his final stone past three Nova Scotia rocks in the four foot and it ended, final score Bluenosers 10, Saskatchewan 7. The numbers, and the law of averages, win again.

Now it’s Thursday, the finale of the round robin, and our leaders are at 7-1, with the other Koe at 5-3, Manitoba and Nova Scotia at 4-3, B.C. and Northern Ontario at 4-4 and look here, Mr. Gushue has won again, and is now at 3-5. And not quite out of this thing yet.